C.O.M.A. Blog; Hardships of Writing

Let me be frank, I love to write. I love telling stories, creating characters I care about, becoming emotionally invested in my stories & exposing myself to the world, where I share a part of myself, I generally keep private.

Ever since I got published, people who learn I’m a writer often say things like, “Oh, I’ve always wanted to write,” or “I’d love to do that,” while looking at me as if I’m a returning champion on Jeopardy! That’s all well and good, but what really gets under my skin are those who assume writing is easy—nothing more than fun and games—rather than understanding that it’s both deeply personal and very much a business. News flash: like life itself, writing can be incredibly challenging!

It doesn’t matter if you’re a novice, a best-selling author, or a legendary storyteller who has left an indelible mark on literature—every writer faces challenges from time to time. What truly matters is how they confront and overcome those obstacles. As the saying goes, “The greatest test of courage on Earth is to bear defeat without losing heart.” I wholeheartedly believe this, especially for writers, musicians, artists—anyone who shares their creativity and spark with the world. No matter the form their work takes, this wisdom must remain at the forefront of their minds.

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1st - Common Obstacles: Ah, yes, that unforgettable scene from The Shining! Jack Nicholson’s character, Jack Torrance, delivers a chilling monologue to Wendy (played by Shelley Duvall) about being disturbed while he’s working. His words, “Wendy, let me explain something to you. Whenever you come in here and interrupt me, you're breaking my concentration. You're distracting me, and it will then take me time to get back to where I was. Understand?” perfectly encapsulate his descent into madness and the tension between them. It’s a stark, albeit extreme, portrayal of the frustration that distractions can cause.

My point, which the scene from The Shining illustrates perfectly, is that when a writer gets ‘in the zone,’ any distraction—internal or external—can feel like a train derailment. It’s happened to me more times than I’d like to admit, and frankly, I’d rather take a nut shot from a very angry donkey. Distractions can come from anywhere, but the easiest ones to block are often self-inflicted—television, the internet, music; just turn them off. That said, I’ll confess: I do ‘need’ a bit of background noise, even when I’m blogging, like right now.

The easiest distraction for me to eliminate is television—I simply pop in a Yule Log DVD. Music, however, is a bit trickier. Like many people, I find myself drawn into the lyrics of my favorite songs. Recently, I came across an idea in an issue of Writer’s Digest: playing classical music without lyrics for inspiration. I’ll try it and let you know how it works for me. If anyone out there has experimented with this approach, I’d love to hear your results. The internet is another story.

Occasionally, I need to do research while writing, and I’m sure many others do the same. The trick is to get online, find what you need, and then log off to get back to work. Social media—Facebook,  Instagram, YouTube, and the rest—can wait. Discipline is key here, as it’s all too easy to get sidetracked by cute animal videos, games, or photos of friends and exes.

The hardest distractions to deal with are harder to get past are the familial ones, which have become a priority over the past few years, and I discuss further.

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2nd - Emotional Challenges: I admit I wear my heart on my sleeve. My emotions are difficult to contain and overriding them has been one of the biggest and most challenging struggles I’ve faced—and continue to navigate.

Time to be honest; It’s been nine years since my last book was published and I was on track for the next one, but things fell apart, emotionally for me. I won’t get into the details, but I will say this; once you start to slide downhill in certain areas, it’s damn hard to climb back up, especially if it’s on a rainy, muddy incline.

My point is, being blasted into an emotional bomb crater isn’t easy, but it’s a fact of life most folks got though at one point or another. In some cases, more than once, in other cases they’re still there or in a worse position, and I think it’s safe to say there’s no thing as Happily Ever After.

I’m reminded of a saying I heard “The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart.”   The trick is pulling oneself out of that crater, which isn’t easy, especially when life throws other curveballs, the size of wrecking balls at you, the last thing you feel like doing is writing or promoting yourself. 

Changes in employment for both bad & good, relationships- familial and romantic hitting the fan, the Pandemic, and becoming a live-in caregiver for my parents have all been factors to why I was knocked down – but not out. Over the past few years, I found myself losing interest in my books and writing altogether. I even considered quitting. The spark was seemingly gone, and I was merely going through the motions with work and family. For the longest time, it felt like I only sort of wanted to be a writer. I’d get an idea, jot it down, maybe toy with plotting a story or start drafting a chapter, but inevitably, the air in my balloon would run out, and that was that. By this point, Killer Holidays and Family Education had been published, and I’d signed the contracts for The Rainbow Warrior: Genesis. It was around 2019–2020—a period that brought the world a whole new set of challenges and was also a time when my family needed me most. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that writers can take the darker events in their lives and, well, polish a turd.

It’s no secret Robert B. Parker was/is my favorite mystery author, and he was married to his wife Joan from 1956 until he died in 2010. At some point the Parkers separated and Parker was able to find inspiration and used the breakup in two of his most lynch-pin novels of the Spenser series, Valediction and A Catskill Eagle. I’ve re-read both novels, about three times each, back-to-back, because they are joined at the hip. (Spoilers Alert! If you don’t want details skip the next paragraph)

 In Valediction, Spenser's love Susan Silverman leaves him to see if she can live without him and in a bad state Spenser looks into the vanishing of a young dancer from a religious sect and goes on a suicide run. In the follow up novel A Catskill Eagle, Spenser receives a letter from Susan, who has relocated to the West Coast. His friend and associate, Hawk, is in jail and she needs help. Susan has engaged in a relationship with a wealthy heir, Russell Costigan, a man rich and powerful enough to get what he wants, whether legal or not.

I view the novels as a two-parter, because Spenser without Susan is the equivalent to Romeo without Juliet. I think what Parker did, was cathartic, and at least he cleared the air, and rebuilt his relationship with Joan. Before he wrote the novels, the couple were facing marital difficulties, but they worked through their issues, re-committed to one another, and came to an unusual arrangement. They lived in a three-story Victorian house just outside of Harvard Square; she lived on one floor and he on another, and they shared the middle floor. This living arrangement is mirrored in Spenser's life. Susan has an aversion to marriage and living together full-time. Living separately suited both the fictional and real couples, although they were fully committed to each other. Explaining the arrangement in an interview on CBS Sunday Morning, Parker said, "I want to make love to my wife for the rest of my life, but I never want to sleep with her again."

For me I have never been able to come full circle, and close the books, and I doubt I ever will be able to. One of my favorite television series was Burn Notice and there were two quotes that always stuck with me, one being “People talk about closure; but, I don't buy it. Somebody blasts a hole in your life – it tends to stay open.”  & “Maybe it's time to stare down the past down and deal with it. It happened, for better for worse; it made us who we are. All we can do now is look towards the future.” Both are apt and in certain circumstances I know I’ll never ‘finish the book’ regarding a pair of women I was close to, but I’ve made my peace, as best I can, for now and perhaps I may find some catharsis the way Parker did.

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3rd - Negative Feedback: As a published writer, (I don't call myself an author because I don't believe I'm worthy of that title until someone places it on me) of course I want feedback. I’d love to receive a thousand glowing reviews declaring me an up-and-coming mystery author, but I know that’s not happening—not without putting in more effort. And I recognize that.

One thing I’ve never let get to me since I truly began writing is negative feedback or criticism. During my creative writing classes in college, my professor taught me an important lesson: there’s a big difference between constructive criticism and harmful critique. Good feedback, no matter how rough, harsh, or even brutal, should highlight the strengths of a piece—whether it’s the storytelling, plot, or the author’s style—alongside areas for improvement. On the other hand, bad critique often feels like a personal attack, and no one enjoys that.

I’ve had my fair share of those kinds of attacks in life, all very personal and enough to drive me to the edge. I’ll admit I’ve stared into the abyss, and as they say, the abyss stares back at you.

Here’s the thing I realized in talking with other writers: as a writer, you might get reviews on Amazon, Goodreads, or other platforms. They may range from the good, the bad, to the downright ugly—but if it’s the latter two, don’t let it bring you down. There’s no need to play the “Nobody likes me” card. After all, even Elvis missed a few notes, Babe Ruth struck out, and Harrison Ford and Sylvester Stallone have made their fair share of stinkers. Let’s face it—nobody starting out a writing career is at the level of Poe, Shakespeare, or Doyle.

If a reviewer offers constructive ideas to improve your writing, great! If not, my advice is to reach out to them directly and ask what they would’ve done differently. In essence, call them out and let them know it’s time to put up or shut up.

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4th- Top 5 Distractions: Here’s my personal list of the top five distractions I encounter when trying to write. Some I’ve already discussed, while others I haven’t. Your own list might differ, and I’d love it if you’d share yours—feel free to post your thoughts!

#5 Family & Friends; My family and friends know how to reach me, and they often do. Now for most cases they can leave me a message or text, but it’s not always an option, so there are times when I have no choice but put everything a side and tend to family matters. It can be annoying and frustrating, but to quote my personal Rule #1: Family Is Forever, Almost Everyone Else Is a Stranger.  Once done I just try to get back to writing A.S.A.P.

#4 Phone/Internet; Like I said I let voicemail handle calls, and when I need information while writing, it’s easy to type a few words into Yahoo and—BANG—results appear. The trick is being disciplined enough to ignore Facebook and other social media until later. As my folks used to say when I was a kid: “Work first, then fun.”

#3 Life's Worries; Family, health, bills, work, etc. weigh heavily on most of us, unless you’re a sociopath. I make it a point to dedicate time to the stories and worlds I create. Every aspect of my life is important—writing, family, friends, work—and while they may not get equal time each day, I focus on them as needed.

#2 Television; My solution for the television in my living room/office? A Fireplace Yule Log DVD. It provides a element of something I’ve always wanted for a dream office, a real fireplace. Mine can play with or without Christmas music or just crackling fire. I opt for the crackling fire nine times out of ten. The only time it’s hard to play it is in the heat of summer.

#1 My Own Mind; This is the trickiest distraction to manage. quieting the random voices in my head. Doubts and questions like “Am I good enough?” or “I’ll never reach the best-seller list” can creep in. When this happens, I pull myself out of the funk by watching an inspiring video I came across.

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Hopefully this may help some out there, and I’m interested in seeing what hardships & distractions you deal with, and how do you handle them.

Feel free to share and till next time, CGE